


What is Love? Why does it hurt?

by PersonalPages



Category: Like OOH-AHH - Twice (Music Video), TT - Twice (Music Video), TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst?, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Medival setting, One Shot, There’s actually only a squint of Nayeon and Jeongyeon, Tzuyu will be 14 and Sana 11
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersonalPages/pseuds/PersonalPages
Summary: “Mom it hurts.”“What hurts?”“The flowers mum. they hurt me.”Please save me.—.—A child in the seventeenth century who’s too young to know love, and a mother who doesn’t know how to save her child.





	1. Chapter 1

A small child scampers to her mother. Clothes ragged from the dirt she stepped upon, the soil soaking their way up her princess dress. Her princess dress was adorned with black flower patterns, vines and leaves connecting themselves in each gap that were carved by years of dedication and tailored by the precise hands with no imperfections for the world to see, washed by the rough hands of busy maids and given as a gift to the ruling princess. To see such a masterpiece, such a beauty to be marred by the brown soil of children’s play; her mother was disappointed.

“Honey, you ruined your dress once again.” She sighs, placing her motherly hands on her dress and smothering it down from the creases that lay upon it. At least this dress was black, unlike the other dress she managed to ruin. “What happened?”

“Mum, I swear I was careful in the garden, I swear, b-but suddenly I felt this weird pain in me.” She breathes out, holding onto her mother hands. “It still hurts, but more than before mummy. I don’t know why it hurts.”

“Where does it hurt?”

She leaves her mother’s hand and points towards her neck, feeling the pain of some substance clogging up her throat slowly, suffocating her.

“Is it hard to breathe?”

She nods desperately wanting whatever suffocating her to stop. She doesn’t care if she vomits it out, she doesn’t care if she has to swallow it by eating all of those vegetables she hates, she doesn’t care if she has fight those boys who always make fun of her in the garden meetings, she’ll do anything to get rid of this pain. Anything her little fragile eleven year old body can provide her. She’ll promise to do the dishes for a week and she’ll promise to not play outside for a month and she’ll promise to eat all her food in lunches, she’ll do anything.

Just please get rid of this pain.

Tears of molten pain start to crawl down her face—she can barely breathe with it clogging up her insides. She feels its pokes on the insides of her neck, bubbling till she can’t breathe properly. She feels her neck expanding till it’s limits and the little things starting to blow up inside of her.

She clutches the hand of her mother with all her childish might while her mother rushes to the nearest bathroom. The mother runs not caring whether her heels break due to the sprints, not caring whether the threads of her right dress snap, she doesn’t care.

She can’t care, not when her daughter can barely breathe.

“Sana breathe! Breathe for me please!” She shakes her daughter, begging.

Sana can’t hold it in anymore. The skin of her tongue rips as the flowers are vomited out of her insides and her mother’s shrill scream echoing throughout the household. Blood leaves her body, along with petals and stems of flowers, some soaking with the blood red color as she breathes heavily. That’s what she needs right now. Not to contemplate over why flowers were in her body or what they were even doing there, no she needs to breathe.

“Honey, honey! Are you alright? Breathe, please breathe.”

She continues, trying her best to grapple and save the memory of air filling up her lungs so naturally, and leaving just as fast. She fills her lungs, her stomach, her whole body as much as she can with the air around her even though it smells strongly of iron and tension. She doesn’t care, she can’t care.

Her mother rubs her back soothingly, traumatized by what she witnessed but she keeps quiet. She keeps quiet because no, no those are not flowers that her daughter vomited.

No they are not. They can’t be, they won’t be, they _never_ will be—

Sana’s voice hurts her, but she needs to speak. “Mom.” She croaks out.

“Yes honey?”

“Why are there flowers beneath me?”

Sana’s mom cries.

“No, no Sana. Those aren’t flowers. Those are not flowers, you must be mistaken. I don’t see any flowers, where are they?”

“Mom, they’re right here.” She coughs, picking one up. “They’re here mom, they’re purple.” She picks another one. “And red.”

She drops them both on the flower. “Why are there flowers in me?”

She grabs the cloth of Sana’s dress and pulls her closer, close enough to her heart, close enough so Sana knows that she’s feeling the same pain and that she’ll always be here with her.

“No, no Sana darling. You’ll be alright okay?” She sniffles, and clutches tighter on the bloodied dress of her daughter. “Nothing’s going to happen. I’m here.”

She nods, tears running down her face, her sobs filling the room.

“The flowers mom. They hurt me.”

“Please save me.”


	2. Chapter 2

She leaves with a kiss upon Sana’s head, rubbing tender circles unto her back until her daughter’s breathing evened from sobs and breatheless whimpers to soft snores. Placing the duvet on top of Sana, she leaves quietly the whole experience feeling blurrish, almost losing her footing while leaving as cramps electrify her legs.

What even happened? 

She punches herself hard, jumping up from the impact.

God, why did this have to be reality? 

She felt anger bubbling in her. Why her daughter out of all people in this world? She’d rather have it on herself, knowing that Jeongyeon loves someone else other than her. She clenched her hands harder, feeling her nails dig craters on her skin until they pierced through the hard layers, blood bleeding through, dropping onto the floor. At least this would provide some pain  for her to forget that her daughter was dying. She took her bloodied hand and punched the wall harder, and harder, and _harder_. Harder till she felt the numbness crawl through her skin, till she feels the burn tearing her body and the misery ripping her heart. It just had to be her daughter, why did it have to be her daughter?

“God please, please I beg you. I beg you please save our daughter. She has so much of her life to live, she has so much to offer to this world, please I beg you!” She droppes onto her knees, bowing down to give herself up. “Please, take me instead! You can’t take my daughter yet, please, not yet, she’s so young and she’s my everything.” The cries she tried to keep gurgled in her throat gnawed at her mouth and tore their way through. She couldn’t stop crying.

She heard the sound of distant footsteps running towards her, the feeling of someone lifting her and cradling her in the arms.

”Nayeon,” Jeongyeon says, patting her wet cheeks with confusing written throughout her voice. “Nayeon, what happened? Your hands, god I’ll go get the gauze, wait here alright?”

Nayeon shakes her head, grabbing Jeongyeon’s hand. “Hanahaki. She has Hanahaki Jeong.”

”W-what? Who?”

”She’s dying Jeong.” She breathes harder, her nails carving marks in her lovers back, forcing the words to leave her mouth. “Our daughter. She’s dying.”

Jeongyeon shakes her head roughly, the words not entering through her brain. “But Hanahaki isn’t real Nayeon. What are you talking about?”

”It is, please believe me. I saw it with my own eyes. She vomited out these flowers.” Flashes of her daughter picking up red and purple flowers passed through her eyes, and she chocked up more sobs. “It’s real Jeongyeon, and it’s happening to Sana.”

”It’s happening to Sana and I don’t know how to save her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats the second chapter! This story doesn’t even have a plot lol I’m just making it up as I go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should listen to some sad music, like music that will bring pain in you (if you even have music like that lol). Maybe listen to music that like... drains you of all hope and leaves you like an empty soul. Yeah that’s good.

~~~~It was the same in every single book, every single page—it was all the same words that Jeongyeon didn’t want to see. She was furious from anger, from tiredness, from frustration and from this stupid unknown disease. Every single page said the same thing: The person has to love them back. Her daughter doesn’t even know how to wash dishes properly, how is she meant to understand love, feel it when she’s so young? Who the hell does she even love in the first place?

She wanted to rip out the pages of the useless books she read. Tear them into pieces, burn them into smoke and ashes and then demolish every visible piece with the sharpest axe manufacted. None of these books deserved to exist if they couldn’t save her daughter. Not a single one.

Nayeon soothes, trying her best to rub the red off her bloodshot eyes. ”Jeongyeon calm down. We don’t even know who she loves.”

She snarled back, flinging the purposeless book right into a pile of more useless ones, enough to send the neatly stacked books crashing to the ground, resonating throughout the expande of the library. “That’s the point Nayeon. We don’t know.” She clenches her hand tighter, her eyes watering at the memory of her daughter. “We don’t know anything, we don’t know how to fix our daughter. These impractical books won’t tell us anything.”

Nayeon bites her inner cheek, rubbing the back of her wife before pulling her into a hug. A hug just like the one she gave to Sana a few hours ago, a one to tell Jeongyeon that she’d wait in ungodly hours in the night to help find any solution, a hug to convey that she too feels the stabs directly to her heart, the molten heat killing off the energy within her body. She felt it all too and she wanted Jeongyeon to know, and she wanted Jeongyeon to stop feeling so aggravated. So she dug her fingers into her lover’s hair and rubbed tender circles across it, opening her mouth for her lullaby which never failed to soothe enter her lover’s ears.

”We’ll find that person together. We’ll find that person and make them love Sana.” Nayeon whispers into Jeongyeon’s ears, as the latter nods slowly, her eyelids dropping from exhaustion.

”Come, let’s get you to bed.”

—.—

Sana wasn’t sleeping.

She couldn’t even if she tried.

Thought the tips of the harmless flowers weren’t biting at the skin of her throat anymore, the image was still there. The feeling of it clogging against her fragile skin, the tears that ran down her face, the pain was still there but the flowers weren’t. Rewinds of her mother cradling her head, tight enough that Sana could hear the rapid beats of her mother’s heart and the gentle cracks from her heart breaking. It was enough for her own heart to shatter into pieces, pieces that she would later have to pick up and carve. 

She didn’t understand why. Why was this even happening, why to her? What the hell is even ‘ _love_ ’ and why does it hurt so badly? Did she do something wrong? What did she do wrong? Was it the cookies she once stole from those boys that made fun of her style, was it the way she annoyed her mother that one day because she was angry, what was it?!

She doesn’t understand, but she wants to. She doesn’t understand, but she _begs_ to. Maybe if she understood, just a little bit, maybe she could stop this. Maybe she could find a way for heaven to forgive her, bake a cookie with her own hands from that one boy she stole it from, make her mother rest while she did all the work. Maybe _, just maybe_ if she understood she could—

Who was she kidding. She was an eleven year old.

An eleven year old who didn’t even know love.

And an eleven year old who suffered from it.

”But why...?” She whispers into the air around her, hoping the heveans will hear her. “Why does it hurt so much. Why am I crying so much, what do I need to do to get rid of this?”

”What do I need to do to get rid of this _pain_?” She cries breathlessly into the tense air around her. “What should I do?”

She hears the turn of her doorknob, squeaky and childish just like she always remembered. Both her mothers inside the room, sobs and whimpers at the sight of her. She didn’t think her body could produce more tears, but if her body was able to hold this pain, the young girl guesses that her body could do anything at all.

Maybe this was all a dream, maybe this was all just some twisted nightmare that the dark corners of her mind created.

Hopefully it was.

It wasn’t until she fluttered her eyes open at the sight of sunlight that she believed this was all just some twisted dream. But when she saw a lone flower covered in the harsh color of her blood on her hand, and a bunch clogged in her throat begging to join the outside world, that she realized that no, no this _wasn’t_ just a dream. This _wasn’t_ just a nightmare.

This was real life, and there was no way to get out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. That’s it.


	4. Chapter 4

She felt normal again, even if it was just for a second.

“Tzuyu, you may be the best at hiding but I’ll find you no matter what!” The little girl giggles lightly, preparing to rip open the curtains.

She rips them open with all the might her little body can muster, all of the hidden light released, but no Tzuyu. She pouted at the sky, and turned around swiftly only to be met with the tiptoeing friend she was searching for.

Sana screamed delightfully and ran after her, almost tripping over the loose ends of her purple teddy bear printed pajamas. “There you are! I found you!”

“You first have to catch me Sanaya!”

The other girl smiled and laughed at Sana and how she kept stumbling over the air, her long legs managing to avoid any collisions and her sharp muscles faster than any kid could imagine. By this time, Sana was already breatheless, her legs slowing down and her arms flailing to protect her from falling, but she kept running with a smile across her face.

Tzuyu, feeling a bit bad for her younger friend, finally stopped in her tracks and spread her hands completely out, the tips of her long index fingers touching the walls of the small corridor. Sana, completely caught off guard, falls right the older’s arms, her head against the taller’s chest, both falling sharply to the floor but still laughing - even if they got hurt they would continue to smile.

“I caught you! You lost!” Sana poked her tongue out and the older followed suite.

The older pushed them both off the floor carefully, rubbing the dust of the younger’s pajama set. “I stopped so you could catch me so it doesn’t really count now, does it?” Tzuyu smiled gracefully at her, hugging her tightly around the torso and pulling them both up. Sana screams lightly and hits her in the arm for not warning her and then chokes on the air between her lungs, the same suffocation of last night entering her once again, trapping her breath and collapsing her neck.

“Wait Tzuyu! It hurts!”

The older maid freezes and immediately lets go of the princess. To no avail, as the princess slumps her figure right against the older and whispers painfully for the maid to bring her to a bathroom.

“Don’t worry Sana, you’ll be alright, you’re safe with me.” Tzuyu says breathelessly while running up the stairs to the royal bathroom, rushing right past the younger’s parents. Tzuyu couldn’t bother to see the faces of her parents, but Nayeon felt a sense of dejavú seeing the maid run past her, breathless with her daughter between her lanky hands. 

Jeongyeon and Nayeon immediately look at each other, worry washing both of their faces. The queen grabs her wife’s hand and runs after their daughter, knowing that the familiar sounds of blood and flowers ripping their daughter’s soul are coming, knowing the familiar numbness take over their body as the uselessly watch their daughter slowly lose her consciousness. 

Tzuyu smashes the door of the bathroom open, the floral scent of the jasmine incense sticks released and infiltrating their noses as the older gently placed the princess down against the mat covering the hard white tiles. The mat beneath their feet was soon covered upon with purpleish reddish asters, matching perfectly with the younger’s pajamas.

The maid picked up one of the asters carefully, making sure that the blood between it wouldn’t drip down to the royal mat or ruin the prestigious tiles of the royal bathroom, however not caring whether they dripped across the surface of her hands, crawling their way down towards the tips of her elbow.

Tzuyu whispers, shocks wracking her body as she looks at the younger girl’s lips bleeding. “Sana... you have...” 

“I know what I have Tzuyu.” 

“But it doesn’t even exist! It’s just in fairy tales!” The maid refuses to believe that Sana, her only friend that’s treated her with respect, the only thing she could call family, had a disease that had no proper cure _even_ in fairy tales.

Sana looks down, refusing to look into the torn eyes of her friend. She walks away slowly, into the solace of her roommate, right past her parents who let her go, hoping she’ll get some rest and all of this will go away in time.

Sana’s not dumb. She knows that this disease, Hanahaki, is caused by you loving someone and them not reciprocating those feelings of love back.  _La douleur exquise_ is what the people of Europe, a close by continent, call unrequited love. She knows that the only person who she could have these feelings of ‘love’ for could be Tzuyu. Even though the maid was quite dirty most of the time, and sometimes a little too serious and mature for the princess, it could only be her. She’s had dreams of them both like Mom and Mommy, and dreams of them confessing to each other, and even some dreams were they kiss each other. Sana’s not dumb, she knows it’s Tzuyu she loves, and it’s Tzuyu that doesn’t love her back.

Yet Sana still weeps into her pillow knowing that Tzuyu will never love her back.

And that she’s slowly dying because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for not updating for so long, keeping up motivation for writing is HARD.
> 
> Also, Tzuyu is older than Sana in this fiction. Tzuyu is 14 and Sana is 11 if anyone is confused. Also, Tzuyu is a orphan (that’s why Tzuyu says that Sana’s her only family) but that was going revealed later anyways.
> 
> Appreciate feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, that’s almost it lol. This is like my second story.


End file.
